Do you BELIEVE you can change?

So I have started to download ibooks on my phone to listen to on the trip back and forth to work. It's my goal to get super smart from this and impress strangers at dinner parties with my quick wit and impressive intellect (while I sip my uber fashionable martini wearing a super slinky designer dress....um...ya, I watch too many movies)... 

I am listening to this book "The Power of Habit; why we do what we do?".  It made me think about all the habits I have that I don't even think about anymore. According to the author and researchers abound, you can alter (or even change) the neural pathways of the brain as you start changing a habit. Pretty cool, eh?

But how to you start? Where do you begin?

And is it that easy just to do something different?

First off, it isn't easy. It will take awareness of what you are doing now and why you do it. What triggers the habit or behaviour you want to change? What rewards to you get from this habit? For me, my habit of coming home after work and flopping on the couch as I stuff my face with something (anything) is triggered by my need for downtime and my belief that I'm hungry (when really I'm not - I am just in the habit of snacking after work).  My reward for this is shutting off the world and filling up on peanut butter or Happy Cow cheese. I want to change this. I want to change my mindless snacking and sitting on my bum for hours after work.

So this week I did. I made it my goal to get in my biking gear after work (without touching the couch....standing near it or even looking at it) and biking.  Even if it was around the block; time and mileage wasn't the point. It was all about changing my habit. What happened? I didn't snack, I wasn't hungry, and I came home to stretch and make dinner without getting on the couch again. So far so good...although it's only been one day.

However, there is one factor in the change process that is necessary before change can occur (at least long term change).  It's the BELIEF that you can do it. How many times have you started on an exercise or eating plan and in the back of your head (hiding behind your medulla oblongatta or hippocampus...that's usually where you find it) is the doubt that you will be successful. This doubt is usually the product of failed attempts in your past and it's very hard to shake. So you start your new health regime with the small, irritating belief that you will fail and guess what? You fail.

Our beliefs and attitudes drive our behaviour no matter what it is. From eating, drinking, and exercising, to our relationships, communication and stress management (or lack thereof).  If you can change your beliefs, you can change the way you work in the world!

How can you become a believer? The first thing you can do is understand that your past does not determine your future. The second is recall what made you fall off the wagon and plan for that barrier in the future. If you can learn from your past you will be more confident and likely to succeed. The key is belief.

I believe I can take a long walk after work today instead of sitting on the couch. I believe I can hold off the snacking until dinner. I believe I can change my habit for the week at least. There's nothing wrong with going week to week and day by day. At risk of sounding like a Chinese fortune cookie; change always begins with just one step. It's cheezy but it's so true.

So take the step, believe you can do it, and start a new, healthy habit!

K

The Weight Loss Bitch Slap

As there are no such thing as unicorns...same goes for
life long weight loss! Or is it?  Perhaps the way we have
gone about it isn't working, but I still think there is a
way to lose that fat for life! I've seen it happen...it just takes
longer than 8-12 weeks. 

I managed to catch an article in the paper the other day that presented the frustration of Canadian (and probably American) Dr's with regards to "counseling" their patients on weight loss.  Evidently (and no big surprise) the docs aren't being that influential. OMG...I don't know why? Shouldn't just shaming someone or telling them they need to drop a few be enough? (note the sarcastic tone here). If not, you could throw in a dirty look or a judgemental shake of the head....maybe that would slap 'em back into reality (note the really sarcastic tone here).

Based upon the rising stats of weight gain coupled with the lack of results in their clients, I do believe the good doctors are throwing in the stethoscope (and rectal thermometer for good measure). Unfortunately, the reality of weight loss suggests that even if one does drop a significant amount of weight, the weight will (and does) creep up overtime. In other words, weight lost is really weight gained. So they (the good docs everywhere) are asking a very important question...."should we lose the weight talk and pick up the conversation on physical activity and healthy eating instead?"  Hells ya!  The article went on to highlight that perhaps a conversation on health rather than fat loss would be more beneficial to the participant?  Ya think?

It isn't rocket science....it's rocket psychology!

I guess the most depressing of all the facts on weight loss is the low rate of weight loss success. If one does succeed at dropping large amounts of weight, the chances of that weight finding it's way back is very high (your fat cells are really akin to the lost cat story where the animal marches across country to find its' owner...your fat is kinda like that - at least it feels like that). It is only a small few that manage to change their silhouette for the rest of their lives (stupid facts! stupid reality!).

So what is one to do when faced with that weight loss reality bitch slap? Focus on health! A focus on health, as the research suggests, leads to weight loss overtime but isn't the main objective. Thereby creating a lifestyle that is enjoyable, realistic, and permanent. Take your time introducing yourself to new behaviours such as grocery shopping (it sounds silly, but I believe most of us need to learn how to grocery shop for health vs. processed food-like groceries masked as "health food"). Taking time to learn how to cook (and cook efficiently) is a skill that needs attention. Give yourself time; take a year or two.

Today, as I was facilitating my weight loss course, a gentleman came up with the most realistic and amazing weight loss goal I have ever heard of. Instead of a 2 lb a week loss, try a 2 lb a month loss! In one year, you will have losted (losted? ya....i'z college educated) at least 24 lbs (that is more than the average weight loss participant....and has a greater chance at permanence than any weight loss program, pill, or powder).

Snap out of it! It's all about health!

Stop beating yourself up when you fall off the wagon. Stop the feelings of guilt as you open that big and beautiful bag of chippy goodness. Stop calling yourself "out of control" or "lazy" when you don't get up off the couch or find yourself eye to beautiful eye with cupcake. As I said before (and will say over and over again). THAT is self-flagellation (and/or disgust) and THAT is worse for your health than anything else.

Do the best you can for your health, realize that you don't need to be a size (insert dream size here) and you will start feeling lighter instantaneously....I promise.

K

Footnote: I realize that it is way easier to say than to do. But I do suggest you give it at try.

Skinny Jeans are Hazardous to Your Health!

Women and men are victims
of the skinny jean. I'm sure
this guy has ceased to
circulate blood and his legs
are slowly being deprived
of life supporting oxygen.

That's right! Skinny jeans are evil, they can cause serious pain, agony, and suffering...and that's just the psychology of them. But don't they just look fabulous with a pair of heels?

When I first heard that skinny jeans were making a comeback, I believe my scream was heard all they way to Nova Scotia. I endured skinny jeans in the 80's and as God was my witness, I didn't want to go through that misery again. What's more, this torture (innocently labeled "fashion") isn't for everyone...yet there are many poor souls stuck on the floor, as I type this, with a pair of these denim traps stuck on each leg with no other option out but to cut themselves out....not unlike an animal caught in a trap.

But seriously, I just read an article that suggested skinny jeans really could be harmful to your physical health.  Internist, Octavio Bessa, in 1993, coined the term "Tight Pants Syndrome" (he was a little late as I believe this fashion was done and over with by then...typical scientist). From my own experience, I would suggest the symptoms of Tight Pants Syndrome would include; big time muffin topage, lack of blood flow to lower extremities (and head...leading to dizziness and disorientation), followed by a deep sense of fear and loathing knowing that soon ,these must come off (break out the Vaseline and a crowbar).

The scientific (and more mature) list of symptoms, however, include; digestive problems, pinched nerves, and blood clots...gross eh? Dr. Karen Boyle also noted that super tight jeans can lead to some scary condition called meralgia paresthetica (also known as nerve damage).....but they sure look good paired with some sexy hot platforms, eh?

The skinny jean made it's debut in the 1800's (not, as we may believe, the 1980's). As we can see above, a special skinny pant removal machine was invented to assist in the removal of said skinny jeans (or in this case pants). 

All I know, is if I am wearing a pair of tight pants all day, I turn into a real bitch quick. The agony of movement coupled with the over exaggerated panus spill is enough to get me into sweat pants (in the office I might add) lickety split (as I allow the feelings of true happiness wash over me like a summer rain on a hot day)! Seriously, the definition of bliss really is peeling off the tight pants and donning a pair of your favorite university sweats.  So is the sacrifice worth the look? And....does it even look that great?

I realize that fashion and health sometimes do not make the best "bed fellows" (isn't that the saying?). But there has to be a healthy compromise if one is going to be functional and happy. High platform shoes are not only dangerous (I'm surprised there hasn't been a rash of severe ankle sprains) but they also look like gigantic Frankenstein-like bricks on the end of each leg. Couple those with skinny jeans and you have an explosive cocktail of danger that may be unleashed at any moment (in the form of a very surly woman who has had enough pain, discomfort, and gas for one night).

Seriously, just say no to this torture and
wear what makes you comfortable! I
cannot believe these britches would make
anyone feel comfortable.

So now the research is in. For your own health, happiness, and mental well-being, throw away the second skin and embrace anything else! Your nerve and vascular system will thank you.



....and that's all I have to say about that (Forest Gump).

K 

Embracing My Muffin Top

What a relief...at least SHE
ages too. I wonder if they
will produce a "Muffin Top
Barbie". I betcha that would
be their best seller!

I"ve already had it with aging. I've just turned 44 frickin years old (OMG...I can't believe I'm 44) and every damn day I look in the mirror, I see some new wrinkle popping up where I never thought wrinkles could go. I believe if I took a time lapse film of myself for only a week, you would be able to see the skin slowly slide down my face like it's wax and I'm on fire. What-the-hell? Nobody prepares you for this! So I've decided I'm not too proud for plastic surgery. Just a small suck here and a tiny tuck there...but I doubt I have the stomach for it (pardon the pun).

Speaking of which....my muffin top, I believe, is here to stay. I have bitched about it before, and I'll bitch about it again.  If you have a muffin top, you may understand the vicious cycle that ultimately goes hand in hand with one. You bemoan your muffin top all day (perhaps you are sitting at your desk and feeling it pour over your pants), your muffin top thoughts consume you until the drive home where you decide to soothe your emotional upset with a nice bag of Doritos. For me, it's wine....last night it was Tequila (good, Mexican, flavoured Tequila)....and a bag of Crispy Minis (gross)...and Greek Yogurt (made me sick...still paying for that one). I go to bed cradling my muffin top like one would cradle a small child and wake up to a teenager (a bigger, wider, and wigglier muffin top). The cycle begins again.

So maybe I just have to work on embracing my muffin top and I may break the cycle. If I could just see the positives of having one, maybe I would feel better. For example, if it gets a bit bigger, I will never be without a place to put my drink. I will always have something to lean on and at night, something to cuddle. I could always name it and never feel alone again. Embrace the positive!

In all seriousness, I find it very fascinating that when/if we (the global we) get depressed by the shape of our bodies, many of us react by eating emotionally. It is a very vicious cycle and one that I cannot figure out how to break. Even when I know I'm eating emotionally...I continue to do so. The only difference is my ability to recognize it, to even announce it to others (or to the poor gas station grocery store guy who is selling me my ice cream, chips, pizza, and full sugar Coke....kidding...sort of). 

And there begins the vicious cycle of the Muffin Top.

I have no answers for any of this, but I do promise, when I become a counselor, I will be focusing on the emotional stresses of aging for women. I will work with women as they leave their youth and move into middle age (complete with the baggage and chin fat).  Could you imagine support groups for this? A group of women going through the aging process bitching, laughing, telling stories, and eating lots and lots of chocolate. Now THAT's a group I want to belong to.

It would help if magazines would show the true results of their products and aging, but I don't believe it will EVER happen. Unless you pickle yourself, there is no way you can have skin like a 20 year old at 50. I'm getting tired of the Demi Moore's and Madonna's of the world making it look like nothing to keep your youthful good looks (when the ugly side of it is they work at it 8 hours a day).  Don't tell me that's not exhausting.  Maybe happiness means loving your panus, loving your wrinkles, and spending time with those that make you laugh. Whatever...

K

Weight Loss Pills Don't Work!

 I don't know how many times I have had a visitor to my office asking my opinion about this pill or that powder that speeds up the weight loss process (not that I don't appreciate being asked or the visit). When I was younger, and had the energy, I would listen intently, keepi my mind open, and follow up with a research report on said drug or powder. Now, I just repeat over and over again, "Weight loss pills and powders don't work!" with my fingers in my ears shouting la-la-la-la-la-la. I'm kinda done with it.

First of all...if you think she got this fat-free just by cutting calories and reaching for that apple..think again. Second of all...women who are this lean stop menstruating (also known as amenorhorea). This can cause bones to lose density and become brittle. So..by the time she hits 35 (if she isn't there already) she could find herself looking much different (an osteoporotic hunchback comes to mind).  Third, to get looking like this, you know she does not lead a balanced life. This takes sacrifice and leads to emptiness and depression once you realize you cannot hold onto it.

So the other day, when a young gentleman plopped himself in front of me and told me about this amazing drug that his friend's friend, Pete's sister's cousin told him about, I respectfully listened (doing a few internal eye rolls here and there) and responded with my usual rant, "Weight loss pills and powders don't work!"

"But", he said all puffed up and proud, "I have already lost my muffin top and it's only been two weeks".

Here's the thing....I'm very sure that there are pills and powders that can help a person loose fat. Some of which, I am aware, are banned in Canada and have caused death in the US. It's not the short term weight loss I'm talking about...it's what happens after you run out of pills.

The following are basics questions to ask yourself before deciding to reach for artificial weight loss....

Question 1:  Can you continue taking this pill safely for the rest of your life?


Question 2:  Is there proof (via non-biased, peer reviewed, research..and lots of it) that the ingredients in this product are safe AND combined with the other ingredients in this product won't lead to heart problems, the growth of a third eye or any gross and embarrassing discharge or leakage?


Question 3:  Do you already exercise (based upon your age and goals), eat a diet rich in veggies, low in processed foods and sugar, and have done so for over 6 months?

If you have answered "no" to one or all of these questions....do not buy or ingest anything that promises speedy fat loss. The answer is simple. Until science has produced (long term) results that show their pill offers no side effects, is safe and doesn't harm the body overtime (and are doing so under their own steam and not the financial support of the drug company or weight loss companies - Note: Weight Watchers financially supports a lot of weight loss research)....there is no drug on the market that will help you lose fat and keep it off for the rest of your life.

If you believe there is a pill out there to make you thin for good...do I have a fat jiggler machine to sell ya!

So if you chose to donate your body to science; to use drugs that promise fast weight loss, do so at your own risk. But please refrain from telling your best friend's mother's sister's friend Susan that this is the best way to loose that muffin top quick and simply...you could be doing more harm than good.

Oh...and if I do run across a miracle drug that does all that and is healthy for you...believe me, I will tell you (after purchasing a lifetime supply myself...I'm still waiting for that exercise pill).

K

The Evil Stepmother was Misunderstood



Clearly, we need to deconstruct this
misunderstood woman to reveal
her true motives.  Without support
and understanding, anyone can turn
into the evil step mother.

 So, potentially, within one year, I could find myself married, in a new house and cohabitating with three "step-children" between the ages of 14 - 16.  Now, first off, I have never felt the urge to procreate myself and always thought I would land into a relationship that came with kids.   Second off, I have never wanted to become a "step-mother" considering they have a mother already and definitely do not need another one. I have always maintained my role as driver, wallet, fun-creator, and emotional supporter when talking to a parent just won't do. (Plus, I can give great fashion tips and know the dating scene like the back of my hand).

But as I move into the reality of living with teenagers, I start to think that all those cartoons and children's stories that depicted the stepmother as evil really may all be a huge misunderstanding. She could be battling  hormones and attitudes of a teenage girl all by herself (assuming the man in the tale is out shooting deer or rescuing damsels). I can certainly understand her thoughts of sending them off to a boarding school (as did the potential step mother in "Sound of Music").

Think about it, a woman (or a man) who steps into the role as "step-parent" to children in their teens doesn't have the benefit of knowing said children when they were cuddly, cute, and thoughtful. Instead, she is supposed to love and care for offspring who grunt at her when greeted (not that I would know anything about that). I would certainly understand if her thoughts moved towards throwing them on a bus and sending them across the country. 

Novercaphobia - A fear of one's step-
mother.  With over 30 million children
in the US living with a step parent, it's
a shame that this family role has been
tainted by the fairy tales....

With all the blended families around now a days, it blows my mind there isn't much research on the role of the step parent (and how it can turn you into a crazy person and leaving you wondering what the hell did you do to deserve this). As a step parent, you will never really be "in the club", you may never have influence on child rearing or discipline. In fact, you may meet them after they are fully cooked without manners or the ability to sit at the dinner table or pick up after themselves. Instead, you do the driving, the cooking, the cleaning, and the rest without the thank yous or step parent days (unlike Mother's Day and Father's Day)...there is no step parent day (even birthdays have the potential to go unnoticed). Honestly, I do believe this might be one of the hardest roles to play......and I wonder if I have what it takes to play it.

Does loving the man (dearly) enough to love his kids as much? If not, how does one navigate through the guilt of not embracing the role of step parent or even fighting the urge to run the other way as fast as one can? Does it get easier over time? Why aren't there more books on this stuff? Too many questions?

Why just yesterday, after greeting one of them kindly and with as much energy and verve I could muster, I was met with a grunt and a snarl. Having had an education in assertive communication, I stepped up and let her know her response hurt my feelings. Her response to this? Another grunt combined with the dirty look/head turn combo. Note to self....assertive communication is wasted on the teenager.

So my case for empathizing with the evil stepmother is this; without the support of the parent, without the understanding that this role is challenging, without the coaching and assistance that this parent can offer...I fully understand the motives behind some of the behaviours of these fabled step monsters. I know I can't do this alone. I need support and to know that he is on my side. I need the acknowledgement from someone that this is a thankless job but one that's going to reap positive benefits in the end.  In exchange, I will do the best I can with the skills I have to support and care for him and his spawn.  I will remind myself constantly that the brain of a teenager is still under construction, that they are truly insane, and that grunting may be the only communication skill they know.

She started out nice enough. Worked
hard at creating a relationship with
them, but in the end after the grunting
groaning, and lack of appreciation
got the best of her.  Poor woman...

All I know is there are going to be times when I can't even be in the same room with these teens. I will doubt my choices and wish I had moved to the big city without the additional stresses of raging hormones wrapped in bad attitudes. BUT...isn't it the trying times in life that teach us the biggest lessons? Isn't that what real love is all about? God I hope so.

k

10 Things That Would Make Our World a Healthier Place

Well, this wasn't what I had in
mind, but the point is well made.

This morning, as I drove into work, I thought about the simple things that would make my (our) little existence on this earth more pleasant, happy, warm, connected, and above all, healthy...here is what I came up with.

The world would be a healthier place if...

One

People would put out their cigarettes in their car without having to pollute the street with their smouldering butts.

...do I need to elaborate?

Two

Everyone would hold the door for each other and acknowledge this small act of kindness with "thank yous" and "your welcomes".

I believe that general politeness motivates others to be polite. "Pleases" and "thank yous" go a long way and can really make a difference in someone's day. Are manners dead or are they just in hibernation? Will they make a comeback or has this generation of parenting removed all hope?

Three

People would respect all life and not go out of their way to harm any of it (and yes, for me, that means spiders).

I live in a neighbourhood where more often than not, you see a dog out in the backyard all day and night. I knew a man once who thought it was fun to watch his kids pick up crabs and throw them into the air. Crabs, dogs, cats, snakes...they are all living creatures and all deserve respect and care (physical and emotional). I have been told my opinion is just a result of living in the city too long (by a few that have been living in the country too long)...but I still don't understand why someone would delight in shooting an animal for sport or provide an animal food, water, and shelter without love and kindness. I never will.

Four

People complimented each other more. Just a "your hair looks nice today" or a "that shirt suits you" would suffice.

You never realize just how you have made someone's day by giving them a compliment. How long has it been since you told your lova he/she is awesome, sexy, smart, attractive, and you love them a ton?....(of course, this doesn't pertain to those ready to chuck 'em) I am guilty of thinking good things in my head and not saying them BUT I do let my co-workers, man-friend, and strangers on the street know more than I did....it's a work in progress.

The one important factor of a good, thoughtful compliment is it must be sincere and meaningful to the recipient.

Five

People dropped the jealousy or social comparisons.

I managed to drop the jealousy thing years ago, but I do compare myself to others quite often...and it's exhausting. Thanks to Facebook and Twitter and even LinkedIn, now I'm able to do it 24/7. Social comparisons can make you sad and that ain't good for your health. I'm listening to Dennis Leary's audio book "Why We Suck" at the moment (I am in love with his no nonsense, politically incorrect, view of the world and our society). He has it right...focus on your own strengths (whatever they are) 'cause we all can't be rich, famous, pretty, thin, and fashionably dressed living in a mansion full of nice things.

Six

People would respect each other (especially in a public space). Being aware of the needs of others is an important part of being socially healthy.

Barking dogs after midnight, talking loudly in the movies, smoking in a non-smoking area, or even wearing heavy perfume or an airplane or in a workplace; all come from a place of thoughtlessness. You may think I'm being harsh, but once we let go of our concern for others, we will experience a whole new kind of society (and that ain't no society I want to live in).

Look at that, a compliment wrapped
up in a suggestion. Pretty tricky.

Seven

People listened more than they talked. We can all learn from others no matter where they come from or their position in the world.

More and more I'm meeting and talking with people who talk way more than they listen. I once spent an entire dinner with someone who talked about themselves the entire time (from start to finish...no word of an exaggeration). One positive thing that has come from this is my ability to listen (and listen openly and willingly). Being able to listen to others' opinions, suggestions, and stories without adding your own is a skill (and one that comes in handy if you want to make an impact or change). Even those people that drive me crazy (and there are a few), I am trying to see a learning experience in each and an opportunity to practice the skill of being present (I'm not saying I'm great at it...just that I'm practicing).

Eight

People asked themselves what they could do for others and not the other way around.

Again, something I'm working on, but I tend to see more of an "it's not fair..what about me" attitude than a "what can I do for you" one. Is this the product of our "you deserve the best" generation? Doesn't the Law of Attraction suggest that what you give is what you get? Even if you don't get the $20 you gave to charity back, you get the benefits of a strengthened immune system and a feeling you can't buy for $20.

Nine

People practiced more empathy, patience, and understanding with themselves and others.

We will never be perfect. We will never have (or maintain) the perfect skin, body, hair, or overall sense of enlightened happiness. So why do we strive for it? We all need to practice more patience and understanding with ourselves before we can apply it to others. It's a fact that those traits we cannot stand in others, are the same ones we hold within ourselves.  It's interesting that I have such a....."strong distaste" for my man friend's ex when she truly reminds me of who I was only ten years ago. Something I don't want to acknowledge in myself. Harsh..but true.

Ten
The world would be a better place if we all could just say "hello" or "good morning" to each other.

I wrote an entire magazine article about the power of "hello". Greeting someone, acknowledging someone, just smiling at someone can make a huge difference in that person's day. We do not know the power we have in just saying hello. Sometimes I can walk into my office in the morning without so much as a greeting. Of course, my AA has to say hello (that's what she's paid for......not really...but sorta) but the others can go without saying a word. I'll be honest, it doesn't make me feel good.  Seriously, this would kill me. If someone walked into a room, I saw them, and I withheld a greeting I would start to vibrate and sweat until a "hello" spurted from my pursed, white lips. It's important stuff...and it is something we ALL can do now.

I hope I haven't come across as an old fashioned, pretencious snot who wants to continue to live in the 50's (important note: I wasn't born yet in case you were wondering). I do value manners, respect for others, honesty, and the graces of the old days. I'm hoping I don't become one of those crotchety old farts who laments about the "days of olde"...but I'm sure I can't avoid it.

What does it have to do with Real Life Health? Absolutely everything. When people feel valued, respected, acknowledged they feel present and connected. With all good feelings the physiology will follow. Blood pressures changes, heart rate is reduced, happy hormones circulate, immune system is strengthened.....and all is good in the world. Don't want to workout? Eating donuts all day? Who cares...you practice the above and you will be healthier than that self-centered, narcississt who has the carrot hanging out of her mouth as she is running the marathon (although we all know that you shouldn't run with a carrot in your mouth...but you get the idea). It's a promise.

K